juls random thoughts

well, since wala pang may alam na kakilala ko about this blog. i'll just tag myself. hehehe...

1. i belong to a family of 6, 3 girls and 3 boys and i am the youngest. i am a menopausal baby, my mother was 42 years old when she gave birth to me and the age gap between me and my eldest sister is 15 years. i am also the only girl that my 3 brothers were able to "control" since my other 2 sisters are older than them. i never became close with my siblings because of the age gap. and oh, i was conceived because my parents are on vacation in Bicol = D

2. i did not gain this much weight because of pregnancy. in fact, i think i only gained max of 25lbs. the entire pregnancy. so when? i gained weight after i stopped breastfeeding, so that was 7 months after i gave birth. i was so excited to finally have the chance to drink coke again, coffee and chocolates. my three favorite food/drinks!

3. hubby and i dated for 8 years before we got married. the first time i met him, i thought he was gay. not that he acts gay but he's with our classmate then whom we think is gay kaya i concluded that he's gay (they're friends pala because of their parish). but all my friends then thinks he's cute except for me. actually, my bestfriend then has a huge crush on him, she's not our classmate so she would always visit me in our classroom to see him. i think this is the reason why we lost our friendship, i never realized how serious she was about her feelings. we never talked about it though so i really don't know if that's the reason why we fall apart. bad me! one more thing, most of hubby's precom girl friends doesn't want me to be his girlfriend then. hubby is the popular, sociable, sporty guy while i am simple, quiet and confined with my own group type of person. actually, they have been trying to match him with their "preferred" girl but he was so attracted to me then. ha! one of them, whom i thought was my friend too, even told me some facts like him having an MU not really sure though if the reason she did that is para layuan ko sya. after i got to know hubby then, when we became classmates and i finally learned that he's not gay, i hated him for his guts (refer to above for his personality). however, we became close because we would often see each other studying in the library, i got to know him better because of that. then his highschool classmate, who had a crush on me then, was threatened by our closeness, would tell stories para din paglayuin kaming dalawa. ha! daming sagabal!

4. i practically grew in the streets with my squatter friends. our house in the province is near to what used to be squatters area. my tatay then, ayaw nyang lumaki akong mayabang so he encourages me to play with them. so on weekends or summer, pagkagising ko pa lang, i'll go out na to play with my friends on the street and whole day na yun, sometimes i even join them for lunch of rice and toyo at sarap na sarap ako. i tried this when i got home kaso feeling ko nun, di masarap toyo namin kasi di ko nagustuhan. i will only go home at 6pm pag narinig ko na yung kalembang ng kampana sa church namin. then if its May, lalabas ulit ako ng mga 8pm for the 'tuklungan", which is the every night prayer and singing for mama Mary, popularly known as flores de mayo. when i got older na, nagiging maarte na ako at ayoko nang makipaglaro with them or even join them in the flores de mayo since I'm studying in La Salle na so parang I learned na the concept of levels in society. I remember na papagalitan ako ng tatay ko and would really force me to join them every night sa "tuklong". its only now that i learned the good thing about what my father was making me do before. importanteng makisama since neighbors namin sila and ayaw nyang lumaki akong tumitingin sa status ng tao sa society. he wants me to treat people fairly regardless of their level in society.

5. among my cousins on my father's side na ka-age ko, i am the plainest of them all nung bata kami (grade school age). i would always envy my cousins for their various talents like singing, declamation, etc. usong-uso pa nun ang pakakantahin sa harap ng mga bisita at i am always so sad and nag-se-self pity kasi i don't have their talent. because of that, those cousins of mine would group ng di ako kasali (outcast talaga) and because of that too, i feel na i am a failure and i always don't want to join any family gatherings on my father's side of the family and i also dont want to hang out in my lola's house. fast forward to the present, i am happy that i became successful. good thing, the things they did to my self esteem when i was a kid did not inflict any harm when i grew up. i think it became my inspiration to become better.

6. i am not patient. i easily get irritated and i am 99% always on time. i hate it when people make me wait lalo na kung may usapang oras. for me, they don't respect other people's time. if i commit that i'll be there at a certain time, i always make sure i make it there few minutes before the agreed time. i always want to be safe kaya i always have allowances. ayoko rin kasi ng nagmamadali kaya i always allot allowances.

7. i am emotional and i treasure friends. but i am not the type of person who will get in touch. i miss the friends i had before but i would always never initiate communication. i don't know how to start communicating back with them though i really miss them. i had a lot of best friends but i was not able to keep any of them. there will be times when they will initiate the communication but i never did return it.

wow! i think i got sad about the last fact about me. but i don't know, that really is my personality. i attempted to make the first move pero i always don't make follow up.