This blog is about my life. How I live it with the people I love. Adventures and misadventures in my life is journalled here.

Monday, June 30, 2008

Why we want to have kids and pains of motherhood

Disclaimer: This is my point of view. I hope you respect that, when you read my thoughts below. We may have different views on this so I am reiterating that this is MY point of view.

Why we want to have kids and the pains of motherhood. This is the recent topic in my egroup - newlywedsatwork. I was about to compose my response when I thought of just posting it here.

Hubby and I have been together for almost eight years when we decided to get married (almost, because our anniv is Dec. 10 and we got married Dec. 7). Though we've been together for so long, we have never experienced traveling together - just the two of us. We both came from conservative families so definitely di kami papayagan so our arrangement then is we'll be childfree for one year after being married so we can travel to our heart's content. Though we have this plan, we did not resort to having any kind of contraception - for us, it is: come what may. Hubby's two siblings both have difficulty in having kids that it took them at least three years to have kids so we thought why have contraception when we don't know how easy will it be for us to conceive. Come what may - it depends on when God wants us to have one, though preferably after a year. It turns out, it's easy for us to conceive, LOL - after a month of being married - we got pregnant. Of course we're excited, surprised but excited. I did not have an easy pregnancy but we so look forward to it. So, I can say that during that time, we really have no serious thinking as to why we want to have a kid - that time this is what we saw as natural - the natural path, the right way to go. I remember that when we attended Discovery Weekend before getting married we even discussed that we want maximum of four kids - preferrably 2 boys and 2 girls if we are given the choice. Again, that time, walang isipan how expensive and hard it is to raise four children.

Now that we have one, if I'll answer this question again, I'll have a deeper answer. We never thought that having a kid is this HARD. I actually even asked my siblings why they didn't tell me how hard it is. Not because we're regretting of having one, don't get me wrong, but more of because we could have prepared more before actually plunging into parenthood. It is very HARD but also very REWARDING. It's true that a child can give you so much joy that only your child can give, their love for you is so pure, so unpretentious, so unconditional, so undescribeable.

Related to pains of mother/parenthood, there are time when I wonder if I made the right decision of having a kid. Being responsible for one person is such a big responsibility that should not be taken lightly minsan I even wonder if I am doing things right, if my decisions and actions today will bring out a positive effect on my child.

Now, when people asks us kung kelan susundan, we reply to them na hindi muna, mahirap. I don't know why people won't take this answer on its own when they themselves are mostly parents who've experience rearing a child. It's a big responsibility that we believe should be accepted wholeheartedly. Kung ngayon pa lang, hubby and I are both having difficulty/feel challenged in rearing one child, what more if we add another one. Concerns like, are we good parents? can we give him everything he needs and at the same time be sure that we are not spoiling him? or that can we be sure that we are not making everything easy for him? can we provide him the best education that we can give without sacrificing our life? are we patient enough to handle the usual curiousity of children, most esp. toddlers? are we emotionally, physical and financially ready to support another one? Yes, it's very nice to have another one, syempre sabi nga nila the more the merrier but will we still be good parents?

Mahirap for us as we both have very demanding jobs and even if we're on these jobs we also make sure that we are hands-on parents. I guess one of my so-called accomplishments is that my son will never trade us with any of his yayas. As in! when we're home - nobody can do anything for him except us. Ayaw nyang yaya ang magpaligo sa kanya, ayaw nyang yaya ang magpalit ng damit nya, ayaw nyang yaya ang magpakain sa kanya and even in washing his butt after making poo it has to be either me or hubby basta we're home. I guess we did something right when even nung baby pa sya eh kami na ang nag-aalaga sa kanya when we're home - he got used to that. Yes, nakakapagod kasi supposed to be rest from work but now, I saw the advantage. He knows that the yayas are temporary caretakers - only when mommy and daddy are not home. That's why it was never hard for him when a yaya leaves us, he can easily transition to the new yaya. Given this, can we still do it for another kid? are we prepared? we don't know. I guess this is the reason why until now, we're not ready to have another kid. this I leave to God, to again, give us a child when He knows we are ready and we are deserving of rearing another one.

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