juls random thoughts

I want to cry. I want to cry my heart out. I don't know kung hanggang kelan ko pa 'to makakaya. I wish there's an easy way out. But kahit anong way piliin ko may bad consequence.

I am home, working at home actually. Decided to do so to be able to watch The Oscars and I am just so lazy to prepare early on Mondays as my car is on coding so in the past few weeks since the start of 2010, I've been either absent on Mondays or working from home. So after a few months of being MIA, I think I'm ready to go back to blogging. I missed documenting our life, it sort became my online journal cum scrapbook, which speaking of, I haven't done anything for so long. So, let me see.. what month did I left scrapbooking? I think December 2008. So what happened from December 2008 to this moment. On top of my head, for the first time, my sister and I together with our parents went to Singapore. I booked a February 2009 trip on November 2008 with Cebu Pacific's zero rates, you see, there is no required date for the trip, what's important is that this trip pushes through. Given that there is no set date, I was able to book a plane fare for three for only P6,000+, really really cheap. As based on my estimate, I cannot join them, the booking is for my parents and sister. This trip was planned because my tatay's ICD (same function as pacemaker) needs some serious checking. His ICD was installed in the US in 2007 and since they cannot go back to the US and the version of his ICD is not yet available here in the Philippines, the nearest country that has it is Singapore, which is good in a way so they can visit my brother who's now living there since 2006. Will do a separate post on the details of that Singapore trip, but anyway, I was not able to resist not joining them so, since I have expiring miles in PAL, used it and joined them. Glad I did! it was such a memorable trip and a good bonding activity.

Second trip I had was on May or July back to Beijing again for a week. This is work but light work so we enjoyed it a lot. It's my second time in Beijing so I'm ok with not visiting all the tourist spots again. Hmm.. what else? ah yes, Kurt started in big school. And the biggest move of all, we finally moved out to a new home with just the three of us. Well, it's good and bad at the same time because we're supposed to have our own house built but because of typhoon Ondoy, plans changed that we've decided to rent first.

So.. to track back on the major things that happened, I'll be doing a post about the following:
- Singapore trip with my parents and sister
- our Holy week
- calipanga outing in Nasugbu, Batangas and Tagaytay
- the RAFlympics
- Beijing trip
- Kurt's move to big school
- our almost own house
- typhoon Ondoy
- moving out and living on our own
- December 2009

Then after this, hopefully, I'll be able to do the current happenings

I don't know if there is such a word, probably there is, as there is negativity. This is what I wish for now. For me to see things in a positive way. I have always been a negative thinker, too much of the auditor in me probably but I think things happened to me because of the way I look at the world. Now, I pray for positivity, I hope to see the good side even in the worst of situation. Help me God.

I have been such a delinquent blogger now. I just don't feel sharing or writing about our happenings. Hopefully, I'll be back in the groove again. Hoping and praying that we'll be over the trials we're into right now.

Though few days late already...

Hope everybody had a merry and blessed Christmas, a time with family and friends. I have saved some of text messages that I have received from friends. Posting here those that I love the most because of the message it conveys:

From my co-reviewee, Lesley:
Wishing you the timeless treasures of Christmas, the warmth of a home, the love of a family and the company of good friends. Have a blessed and happy Christmas!

From my college friend and JPIA co-officer Yvette:
I wish you peace, love, good health, good people around you and the contentment of being with a happy family. Merry Christmas!

From my officemate Inah:
For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the governance will be on His shoulders and he will be called Wonderful Counselor. Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Isaiah 9:6 May Jesus reign in our hearts always! Merry Christmas!!

From my officemate Ryan:
May Christ come to you and your family this "Christmas" with the gift of Love, the blessing of Hope and the promise of Peace.

From my co-reviewer Mark:
Great gifts are not found in any store. The best present is stored in the hearts of people. It has unlimited supply and bears no expiry date.

From my sister in law ate Ireen:
May Christmas blessing shine on you and may the special love of Christ be with you and your family all year through.

From my brother in law kuya Arnold:
It's time to reflect the true meaning of Christmas in our lives. A Blessed Merry Christmas to you and your family!

I wish I can write here what I truly feel this holiday season. But it is something that I will keep only in my heart and my hubby's sister in law's (ate Sweet) heart as she knows some of it. LOL! These feelings made me not wish for any material things. I guess that's the lesson that I got from this experience, that true happiness cannot be bought from a store, that happiness can be obtained when you feel peace in your heart.

As for the little boy, he was very happy this Christmas, he got all of his wishes:

• Hubby's officemate learned that the little boy wanted to have the Ben 10 ultimate omnitrix, kind of her that she bought it and gave it to the little boy as her gift.


• For the Bakugan battle brawlers, my boss (our wedding ninang) gave him three of these then hubby's officemates gave him too so he have a total of five Bakugan now
• While for Tech Deck, good thing his mommy2 and daddy2 gave it to him as a gift as that is one of his wishes for santa but "santa's helpers" couldn't take buying that toy for him as "they" find it so impractical. LOL!
• Santa claus gave him the big bike. The little boy is so happy. Santa gave him a really big bike that even I can ride it. The little boy enjoyed using it around the street, he actually knows already how to ride and get off it. Too bad thought that when "santa's helpers" were looking for the safety gears, they're out of stock so ayun, nasugatan ang little boy sa tuhod when he fall off. Good thing it was a small scratch at hindi naman sya nadala to ride the bicycle. And another good thing that we were able to see knee pads, elbow pads and hand guard from SM toy section in Megamall the other day so the only thing lacking now is the helmet and his all geared up.


• Our gift for the little boy is a billiards table. Funny, as it is not only the little boy who enjoyed, even the titos and lolos are playing it.

Obviously, hubby and I are not thrilled on buying toys influenced by Cartoon Network as we both find it overrated so good thing that he receive gifts of these toys as we'll definitely not buy those. We both agreed that we'll only buy practical toys. I guess it's also because of the fact that the little boy will only play with these toys while it's still new. He easily lose interest with these types of toys as he prefer outdoor activities.

I already took pictures of him on his bicycle but haven't uploaded it yet so will post it once I am able to empty my camera phone.

That's what I'm feeling right now. Been like this eversince my exam ended at 1pm this afternoon. I've already been to the parlor, had a hair cut (a really short one), had foot spa and pedicure, been re-reading my Twilight book BUT still I feel empty, tired and lonely. I don't know if the exam was very hard but there are probably 10 questions which I have definitely guessed and then I have these answers that I initially marked with a question mark with the intention of reviewing them later on which I have never had the time to do so. I guess that's what surprised me. We had a mock exam two months ago, same format, 200 questions that we have to answer in 4 hours, I finished ahead of time, took 3 hours plus and that already includes me reviewing my answers but this time, I never had time for that. My co-examinees didn't seem to be as bothered as me, I don't know why, was it really just me who really thought that the exam was hard? I was so affected that I even shed a few tears when I got home. I am very very tired, you see, I only was able to sleep last night at past 2am or was that 3am, then I woke up at 5:15am. The little boy won't let me sleep last night. Of all the nights, that is the night he decided to stay up late and he won't even let me sleep. Eh since, sleeping has always been my problem, I can't sleep even if I am sleepy already, I was only able to sleep when he finally decided to go to sleep beside me. My MIL was even kind enough to keep him company in the living room watching cartoons while I attempt to go to sleep in our room, hubby is out for a christmas party and he's out again today for his bowling then kita-kits with highschool friends.

I don't know if for how long I'll feel this way. I hope I get over soon as it is already affecting my view of all the other aspect of my life.

I am just so tired. I know I did my best in preparing for this exam. I faithfully attended all the saturday review class, only missing a half day due to an office activity. I faithfully read the review manual three times!! the first one, before the class discussion; second time, was when we were given one month to study before the mock exam and the third time was after the mock exam and before the actual exam. I attended the group study. Even patiently studying everyday after office, sleeping at 12 midnight the earliest for that matter.

Hay... I know this post is so...frustrating. I am.

I am almost back. I'll already have my exam tomorrow. After months of preparation and a week of leave to study, eto na ang final moment. I'm not studying today. Masunurin akong bata, as told by the reviewers, I'll rest today. So while the little boy is in school, I'll be surfing the net, reading blogs.